Be Kind to Your Mind

By Olivia Grossklaus, AMFT

In the whirlwind of daily life, we often prioritize external obligations such as work deadlines, social commitments, friend/family responsibilities. We check off to-do lists, manage relationships, and keep up appearances, both on and offline. Yet, beneath all that noise lies the most powerful and constant voice in our lives: our own internal dialogue.

This internal environment, your thoughts, beliefs, and emotional patterns, are the operating system for your mind. Whether you’re conscious of it or not, the way you talk to yourself shapes how you perceive the world, how you feel and interpret your emotions, and ultimately, how you live.

What Is Internal Dialogue?

Your internal dialogue is the ongoing conversation you have with yourself. It's the voice in your head that evaluates your actions, reacts to events, plans the future, and replays the past. This dialogue can be either constructive and motivating or harsh and self-defeating.

For example, consider the difference between these two internal reactions to a mistake:

● "I'm so stupid. I always mess up."

● "That was a tough moment, but I can learn from this and do better next time."

Both are responses to the same event. But one tears you down, while the other builds you up. That’s the power of internal dialogue.

Self-talk shapes your self-worth. Your brain is always listening. The way you speak to yourself becomes the way you feel about yourself. Negative self-talk reinforces insecurity, doubt, and fear. On the flip side, compassionate and realistic self-talk cultivates confidence, resilience, and self-trust.

Self-talk influences decision making. If your internal dialogue is dominated by fear or harsh judgment, you're more likely to avoid challenges or settle for less. But when your inner voice supports growth and self-compassion, you're more likely to take healthy risks, advocate for yourself, and pursue meaningful goals.

Self-talk impacts physical and mental health. Chronic negative thinking is linked to stress, anxiety, depression, and even physical health problems like weakened immunity or heart disease. A nurturing internal environment can promote calm, balance, and emotional well-being, allowing your body and mind to function more effectively.

How you treat yourself sets the tone both for how you treat others and how you allow others to treat you. A kind, grounded internal dialogue strengthens boundaries, empathy, and the ability to connect authentically with others.

How to Cultivate a Healthier Internal Environment

● Pay attention to the tone and content of your self-talk. Awareness is the first step toward change.

● Ask yourself, “Is this thought true? Is it helpful? What would I say to a friend in this situation?”

● Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you'd offer a loved one.

● Journaling, meditation, or even quiet walks can help you check in with your internal world and recalibrate when needed.

● The people you engage with (on and offline) can either reinforce or challenge your internal dialogue. Choose relationships that support your growth and self-respect.

You have so much power and control over your inner space. It deserves care, attention, and intention. Nurturing your internal dialogue isn’t about pretending everything is fine, it’s about creating a space within where growth is possible, even in difficult moments.

The world can be chaotic and unpredictable, but your internal environment can be your anchor. Start treating it like the sacred space it is, because the most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one you have with yourself.

How to Support Your Pregnant Partner: A Couples Therapist’s Perspective

By Anne decore lmft

Pregnancy is a transformative journey, not just for the expecting parent but also for their partner. The physical, emotional, and mental changes that occur during this time can create new challenges and opportunities for couples to connect. As a couple’s therapist, I often see how intentional acts of support from the non-pregnant partner can strengthen the bond between partners and create a more positive pregnancy experience. Viewing the pregnancy as a shared effort, even though one person is technically growing the baby, is a simple but powerful reframe that serves to unite couples in the transition to parenthood.

Communication, as always, is key. Your pregnant partner is experiencing a whirlwind of hormonal changes, physical discomfort, and sometimes anxiety about the future. Open and honest conversations about how they’re feeling and what they need can make a world of difference. Don’t wait for your partner to ask for help—proactively check in with them, ask how you can assist, and listen attentively without jumping to fix things unless they ask. Small acts of acknowledgment, like thanking them for what their body is going through or affirming their strength, can make them feel seen and appreciated.

Additionally, take practical steps to lighten their load. Pregnancy often comes with fatigue, nausea, or other physical discomforts that make everyday tasks more challenging. Offer to take on more household chores, run errands, or prepare meals. Accompany them to medical appointments to show your involvement and support. Learning about pregnancy, labor, and postpartum care together can also build a sense of teamwork. Perhaps most importantly, make space for emotional connection. A kind word, a gentle touch, or just being present during moments of vulnerability can reinforce that you are in this together. Pregnancy is a shared journey, and when you show up as a compassionate and engaged partner, you lay the foundation for a stronger relationship and a thriving family.

Social Media Comparison Burnout

By Megan allcock, LMFT

It seems these days that social media is somewhat unavoidable. We use it to connect with friends and family, share photos and updates, and promote our businesses, etc. However, with the rise of social media has also come the rise of comparison burnout. 

Comparison burnout is the feeling of inadequacy or self-doubt that comes from constantly comparing yourself to others. Whether it's comparing your looks, career, relationships, or even your travel experiences, social media has a way of making us feel like we are never doing enough or living up to the idealized versions of others' lives that we see online.

One of the main reasons for comparison burnout on social media is the curated and filtered nature of the content that we see. It’s important to remember that people tend to only post their highlight reels of their lives - the vacations, the promotions, the romantic dates, without showing the struggles and hardships that they may be facing behind the scenes. This creates a false sense of reality and sets unrealistic expectations for ourselves and others. 

Another challenge that contributes to comparison burnout is the constant need for validation through social media. We have a tendency to measure our self-worth by the number of likes and comments we receive on a post, instead of internal validation or celebration from close friends and family. 

So, how can we combat comparison burnout on social media? 

1. Awareness: the first step is to be aware and frequently reminded that social media is truly a highlight reel curated with the best moments. It is rarely, if ever, an accurate portrayal of someone’s life. 

2. Limit screen time: try your best to be mindful of how much time you spend online. Notice how you feel when you’re not scrolling, versus when you’re interacting with people in real life. 

3. Increase self-esteem: practice improving your self compassion and view of self. Try to remind yourself that you are good enough just the way you are and your worth is not related to the number of likes, followers, and comments you receive. Focus on the aspects of yourself that you love regardless of them showcased on social media. 

Comparison burnout on social media is something I see everyday as a therapist. The rise in social media usage has only increased this level of comparison that is impacting people’s mental wellness.. By being mindful of the curated nature of social media content, limiting our time online, and practicing self-compassion, we can create a healthier relationship with social media. Remember, you are more than your social media, and your worth is not defined by likes or followers.

How Compassion-Scarcity Can Challenge A Couple When Baby Comes Along

By Anne Decore, lmft

Compassion-scarcity can become a silent intruder during a couple’s transition to parenthood. This is a time of great joy, but also a time of great upheaval and new demands. If not addressed, compassion scarcity can silently sowing seeds of resentment and fostering negative interactional patterns.

Here’s how it develops.

When a couple is low on vital resources (as they are when a baby arrives!) such as sleep, time, and energy, compassion – the capacity to feel concern for someone else’s suffering – also becomes scarce between partners. In part, this is because when we are burnt-out it is simply harder to consider someone else. But another part is driven by the scarcity mindset itself: we are driven to withhold compassion by a subconscious fear of giving without reciprocation.

Here’s an example of what this might look like between two new parents:

One person says “I had a brutal night, I’m so tired. The baby was up every hour.”

The other replies “her crying woke me up too, and I have to go to work today.”

“Are you implying taking care of a baby all day isn’t work? It’s harder and certainly more important work than your job!”

“Oh really? Who pays for the house and food and designer baby clothes you purchase?”

And so on, and so forth.

At its core, compassion-scarcity arises when partners struggle to empathize with each other's feelings, experiences, or perspectives. This scarcity then leads to emotional distance, miscommunication, and resentment.

You can see how this interactional sequence is underpinned by a withholding of compassion. If a response of compassion was offered (“this is so hard, I’m so sorry. How can we support each other through this long day?”) at any turn by either partner a softening might occur, an opportunity for connection. Instead, each partner refuses to offer compassion because each partner isn’t receiving any compassion. Here they get stuck in the compassion-scarcity cul-de-sac. It’s a place that lacks curiosity and is defined by biased comparisons and score-keeping. What’s so unfortunate about this place is that two people who are going through the same stressor feeling completely alone in their experience.

You can guide yourself out of this pattern. Here’s how:

1. Build a culture of appreciation and acknowledgment within the relationship. Practice voicing validation, gratitude, and curiosity in times of low stress so that it still flows, out of habit, in times of high stress.

2. Name it to tame it. Notice the scarcity fear creeping in that keeps you from validating your partner’s experience and name it to yourself like this: “I’m afraid to give my partner empathy because I need it too and what if I don’t get it?” Next, have self-compassion about toward that fear: “This is a hard time, it makes sense, self, that you would feel that way.” Then, make a shift: remind yourself that the more you give the more you get. Tell yourself “acknowledging my partner’s hardship doesn’t mean my hardships are invalid.” Empathy tends to activate empathy – it grows the pie. There is room for two.

3. Take time as a couple to talk to one another about your individual needs (biological, psychological, and social). Talk about the ways you can create an abundance mindset when it comes to supporting each other emotionally during the transition to parenthood. Seeking professional help, such as couples' therapy or counseling, can be immensely beneficial to aid with these conversations.

Addressing compassion-scarcity in a relationship requires patience and mutual commitment. By consciously nurturing understanding and validation couples can create an environment that fosters compassion and strengthens their connection during the ups and downs of new parenthood.